Somewhere along the line, I learned that the girls around me had learned to be as quiet and as small as possible. It’s as if they’d been taught that to always be pleasing and hidden from view (and, at the same time on display?!?) was the role they were to play. It seem to me that they thought if they were quiet “good” girls, pretty, and no trouble, then they would make everyone happy, and thus she would be safe.
Oh, If I could take that away…
To me, as an integrated man that strives to not only appreciate women, but to celebrate them, I get a sinking feeling in my gut when I’m sitting across from a woman client as she describes that sinking, draining, stifling feeling of being unseen, unappreciated, not taken seriously, and small.
Even worse is the experience of seeing a mother give that direction, through shame, to her daughters.
To me, the feminine in all of us and in most women in particular, is BIG. It rejoices in a fullness of life, in being seen and celebrated, in experiences, in variety, in pleasure, in justice, in the earth, and in connection. It is in no way weak. It is in NO WAY quiet, It is in no way meant to be put on the shelf to look pretty. It IS power. It IS wisdom. It IS energy. It IS a wonder, a mystery, something I want to experience, and something I want to work to be closer to.
Women, there are more and more men out there that want the full you. They want powerful, loud, sensual, capable, and talented women. The cavemen stuck in their 1950s morality may not agree, but I don’t care. They’re the past. The now is here, and what a great deal of other integrated men and I want from you, with you, and for you is the following. (Not that you need permission from anyone on who you want to be…that’s just the point, right?)
I want:
YOUR TEARS
…as much as I want your laughter. I never want you to hurt and would protect you from pain if I could (knowing you don’t need that help), yet your tears bring beautiful and/or powerful lessons in life. Bliss to me would be for you to share those tears on my chest and you laughing at some of my bad jokes, but don’t do this for me. Do it for you. Cleanse, and in your wisdom, teach me to cleanse myself, too. Please cry at that dogfood commercial, too – that brings sensitivity into my life and brings be back into my body, even though I may pretend to be strong and not show that I get you.
YOUR FEELINGS
Yes, more of your intuition. You see and feel things I could not possibly see/feel as I can see some things in my unique way as well. I want you to express what you feel and help to widen my vision. Bring your anger, bring your hurt, bring your dreams and thought of possibilities. NEVER let us shrink from you when you are intense – hold us to the fire and encourage us to bring our gift of curiosity (reward us when we stay in there with you). We do want to partner – just let us catch up sometimes and give us time to give you the perfect answer. This is how we try to honor you.
YOUR VOICE!
Besides the sound of your voice being so gloriously different than mine, your wisdom can challenge me, open me up to possibilities that my mind cannot fathom, calm me, and at the same time motivate and inspire me. I know my gift is in focusing and getting stuff done, thinking of nothing else but what I’m focusing on. Please partner with me in life so that I see beyond that next bolt I’m putting in.
YOUR FULL SENSUALITY
When I first experienced this, it terrified me, and I could understand why a lot of men and I used to objectify and shame women around sex. It’s as if men try to make the power you women have in sex and sensuality, which is awe-inspiring, something they can control. What I’ve learned is that it’s not something to be taken, but rather something to be nurtured and celebrated – explored and lead to new depths. It was only when I learned to celebrate the wideness, wildness, fullness, fun, and love you all can bring to the bedroom that I started understanding my role in witnessing your power and to invite more and more by bringing the experience deeper. It was then that I could understand what sex really was. It takes both of us, and it…it works.
YOUR VISION IN THE WORLD
There have been a lot of books out there how a feminine vision of business and the world would cure a lot of the ills of the would. I agree with that view, and I want something more that only women can truly influence. I want you to see the best in us men. There’s a lot of examples of how to be a man out there from the macho jerk to the new-age wimp, and it gets confusing. I want you to communicate what it’s like to be around a strong, kind, emotionally intelligent, and balanced man. Please show your yearning for men like that – for men that can partner with strong women. It helps those of us striving to be a man like that understand where we can fit in in the world. Please, I beg of you, show us what you love in men that make you feel safe, and sexy, and capable, and big. We want to partner with you in this life, and we’re getting really confused how to do that.
YOUR BRAND OF FEMININITY
Men are thirsting for it. The world is thirsting for it. Spirits everywhere are thirsting for it. While I can truly appreciate women becoming, in many ways, better at being businessmen than most businessmen, I want you bring to that aspect of you that is different than the masculine perspective. The insanity of our destructive culture has got to stop, and us guys (and women behaving as men) cannot do this on our own.
YOU TO ASK ME FOR WHAT YOU WANT
I had a woman client express to me one time about problems in the bedroom that “if he loved me, he would know what to do.” I can’t tell you how much that hurt to hear. I knew her husband adored her and I remember being in his shoes, knowing something wasn’t right and ‘doubling down’ on the things I knew had worked in the past. His love was not the problem. Us guys get stuck in ‘what has worked’ and rarely seek to satisfy your need for variety in and out of the bedroom. We are usually seeking less when your nervous systems are looking for more. Your asking directly for something, wherever that is, is a gift. You gave us the answers to a test, or so it feels like. You set us up to win when you ask for things. This goes for everything in relationship. Ask. We want to be your ‘hero’ and fix stuff – even if that is vacuuming on Tuesdays.
TO BE BIG
We’ll help with the cavemen that can’t handle this. We support you. Do it…all of it.
Here’s a video I came across today. It’s one of my favorite songs now. It speaks to that little girl who was told to “be a good girl and don’t cry”.
Just a quickie today to let you know I love you all,
Love Purposely,
Jason Bradberry
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