Spiritual Intimacy Coach, Jason Bradberry

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I feel strongly about my purpose in life to lead others and to change the world.  A lot of that was the fruit of my own journey through relationship.

For so many years when I was young I thought that there was no way I wouldn't be good at relationship...good at sex...good at being an extraordinary man.  I guess we don't know what we don't know, and I found that out soon enough.

I poured my heart and soul into my first girlfriend. We got married, had kids, did the parent thing, and what I didn't know was that it was falling apart almost before it began.  I did not know how to be a man in relationship. 

Trying to be a "better" man and husband than most of the guys I saw and heard about out there, I developed a lot of tendencies to make myself small so that my wife could feel successful and important.  I did not only want to be her lover, but also her best friend, her cheerleader, and that all-around "perfect" husband willing to share vulnerability and tenderness. Little did I know at that time, I was making myself so small that i became the opposite of what she really wanted, desired, and needed. 

 ...it wasn't enough...I wasn't enough...

She couldn't even look at me anymore at the end.  She had no respect for me whatsoever.  I can't blame her...I had become what I now would describe as the poster child for "Mr. Nice Guy - Doormat Extraordinaire".  (Not a great movie, let me tell ya) I had basically no respect for myself, either, how could I expect that respect from another?

We split up in 2012 and divorced in 2013, leaving me faced with a self image in the mirror of a man I did not even know.

Who had I become?  How would I ever recover from this? How did this happen? This was the one thing that I was going to be really good at in life.  Who am I now? Where am I going? I haven't just lost my relationship, but the future I thought I had.  Most of all, I had to face the reality that my identity included failing the one person I thought I would never fail...and our children, too.

 
Immediately after she left, I was faced with the two of the three greatest fears I've ever faced. 

The first fear was that I had no idea how to live alone and I was terrified I would find myself living under a bridge somewhere because I was so terrible with money. I had no purpose, nothing to live for except the love of my children, and no confidence that I could even support myself if loving them was enough to push me forward. I hated myself, and I believed the world did, too.  I was a failure, and being poor was my punishment.

The second, and oddly the first fear I faced, was the idea that I would never be attractive to anyone ever again and that I would die alone.  I truly felt I had blown my one chance at love and had zero confidence that I would ever prove myself wrong.

Boy, did I blow those fears out of the water!

It took some significant courage and hard work. I won't sugar-coat it. It sucked at times, and I still did it! Fears one and two demolished!

Today, I love to look back at those times of significant growth, the coaches and spiritual guides that helped me on my way, and the partners that I fell in love with and who showed me how to be loved, and I smile with pride at the man I've become today and with gratitude of those who were on my journey.

I found love again in many women from mostly learning to love myself again, and fell in love with one woman in particular that will always be my ideal of beauty across the sea. 

I decided that I wanted and was called to help others on this path of self love, self discovery, self accountability, and also along with that the discovery of love...passion...pleasure...celebration...joy.  I began to teach others what I had learned about attraction, relationship, and intimacy.

While teaching and coaching, I found my worth around money, and although this view would drastically change in a few years, that feeling of being 'worth' what I did as a coach was a tremendous source of joy...and acceptance.

It was then that Greatest Fear #3 showed up.

I had develop stomach cancer...I faced the reality that I was going to die. Maybe not right now, but eventually. How was I ever going to succeed in life and love now? 

Dammit! I just go going! Just started living!  And oh (this hurt)....my children...

Welcome back Greatest Fear #1....Greatest Fear #2...

With a trio of dissonant fears in me that I let control my thoughts minute to minute, I became furious...I had found my calling to serve others and I was good at it, too! I wanted to just pretend this wasn't happening...In that process of trying to reconcile my wants and my fears, I gave up, much like when I was married.  It was too heavy to carry.

I was suddenly looking at the same face in the mirror from the day she left.

It was then that the lesson of so many of my teachers, "Things happen for a reason.", finally made sense. 

What happened was I was forced to slow down. Forced to face my mortality and what that meant to me. Forced to manage my money more carefully, and forced to be with myself in silence like never before. I was forced to live more in the now, as I was always a little unsure how long 'later' would be. I was also lovingly embraced by my God during this time (God, Universe, Spirit - I'm good with all those descriptions - I use GUS for short), and I learned to trust, celebrate, and commune with GUS and all life in ways I never knew possible.

 I learned to truly connect with a woman - down to the essence of her that makes her so different from - and yet so alike - myself.  

Even when I physically could not do what a man is called to do because of my treatments, I learned to be a man in mind and spirit and to celebrate the yearning power of my partners.  (Thank you, patient partners)  Eventually, I learned to teach that quality of connection to men and women - as couples and individuals.

I learned how to find the beauty in fire and water, and I learned to bring them together in a way few have - these are the lessons I offer you.

I learned (quite recently, really) how abundance (money, joy, love, beauty) shows up in one's life as if to encourage one to keep giving unapologetically of oneself without any expectation of anything in return.  It's interesting to me now to watch people suffer almost as much to claim and posses money as those who are without it's gifts. 

These things would not have happed had I not been ill and forced to slow down.  Things happen for a reason.

I now want to share what I know, the gifts that I've been given, and all other forms of abundance with you as we look to be a more connected, conscious society.

I believe in conscious partnership and spiritual intimacy that not only strengthens the ones involved, but all those they bring their heightened awareness and love to.

I believe in accepting and spreading abundance that not only strengthens the individual, but also those who they share their gifts with. 

I believe in love most of all, and I love purposely. It's the reason I coach once more.